The Baby Boom Today

American Heritage celebrates the baby-boom generation with the cover story of its October issue, “Boomer Century,” which will appear as the main feature on AmericanHeritage.com next Tuesday, October 25. The article’s subtitle asks, “What’s going to happen when the most prosperous, best-educated generation in history finally grows up?” The magazine answers one way; the following list, suggesting new lyrics for old baby-boom hit songs (which I received from a friend), answers another:

1. Herman's Hermits: “Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker” 
2. The Bee Gees: “How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?” 
3. Bobby Darin: “Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash” 
4. Ringo Starr: “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” 
5. Roberta Flack: “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face” 
6. Johnny Nash: “I Can’t See Clearly Now” 
7. Paul Simon: “Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver” 
8. The Commodores: “Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom” 
9. Marvin Gaye: “I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts” 
10. Leo Sayer: “You Make Me Feel Like Napping” 
11. The Temptations: “Papa’s Got a Brand Bew Kidney Stone” 
12. Abba: “Denture Queen” 
13. Tony Orlando: “Knock Three Times on the Ceiling if You Hear Me Fall” 
14. Helen Reddy: “I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore” 
15. Willie Nelson: “On the Throne Again” 
16. Leslie Gore: “It’s My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To”